Sadis

Hati aku bagai dicarik carik, diratah oleh kawan sendiri, kawan yg dianggap flesh and bloods. Bukan seorang dua tapi ramai. Apa juga yang mereka mahu dari hati kerdil ini? Apa juga mereka harapkan dari aku? Apa juga agendanya? Tak senang lihat aku begini? Aku sudah messy. Mereka tak mahu itu tapi mereka mahu aku ruining myself. Atau dalam erti kata lain mereka mahu jiwa aku mati. So called friends. So called bestfriends. Apa juga erti bestfriends dari kamu semua? Seorang bestfriends tidak akan menjatuhkan bestfriendnya yang lain hannya kerana cinta. Takkan membenamkan bestfriendnya dalam lumpur dan tidak nisa keluar lagi. Tidak akan mereka berbuat begitu. Apatah lagi memikirkan yang tidak tidak. Apa juga salahku pada semua? Apa? Tidak cukupkah apa yang dilakukan mereka ? Tidak cukupkah mereka lihat aku ternoda? Sesungguhnya aku tidak mengerti apa sebabnya. Sungguh aku tak tahu. Moga Allah membuka hati hati mereka. Untuk menilai kembali aku dalam hidup mereka. Amin.

My History

This is heart breaking. This is exactly what I've been through 2 years ago.

* pictures cr to Dr.Hamid Arshat * Thanked to Allah. And my dearest doctors, panels and nurses. Two doctors that examined me, and also the one who gave me so much supports my handsome doctor, DR. ONG , and my beautiful pretty lady DR.SHILPA ( I have like.... 7 doctors around me just to scan me? hahaha ) I can't remember their names clearly. But I do remember their faces. Hehe. Thank you so much ( all from Ampamg Hospital )

Pull and Push

That is the hardest thing to bear and to deal with - FEELINGS. When you are the happiest girl on earth, there are so much fun and so many friends wanted to approach. But when you are down and devastated, there's no one dare to get close.

NOTE

THIS IS MY BLOG. I CAN WRITE WHATEVER I FUCKING WANT. DON'T LIKE? STAY AWAY.

Hatred

I'm writing with an anger and hatred. Endless hatred. They will find me as an unattractive girl who's still stuck with her memories. And they will ask and wonder, " Why that girl is always stress? " or " Why that girl wanna be mad at her friend bcs of a guy? " Bitch, you didn't know how it feels to see someone you love be with someone else in a short of time. Stranger is okay. BUT FRIEND. Bcs you don't feel the pain like you've claimed that you feel the same. NO. Fucking NO. You won't. You will never know how it feels to be replace. You will never know how it feels when holding on for so long time and they leave you just liddat. Bcs of one reason, " I can't move on " Yes I can accept that. It's not easy to move on. I admit that. NOT EASY. I accept it. BUT WHAT I CANT ACCEPT IS YOU GO BACK TO YOUR PAST CRUSH AND CLAIMED TO LIKE AND LOVE HER AND PLAYING LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE AND DO THIS DO THAT AND MAD AT ME BCS I'M MAD AT YOU AND I'M AD AT HER? WHAT RATIONAL IS THIS THING? YOU ANSWER.

Bodoh

Bodohlah wanita itu jika di mulut kata lain bila lakukan sesuatu jadi lain. Cuba hargai. Cuba jadi diri sendiri. Jangan jadi bodoh melalui perkataan, maaf dan janji yang kau cipta. Kau perempuan, BODOH.

Fragile I

you know... i am not that kind of person who is always mourn about something that makes me sad, unhappy, mad or what. but as my age increasing by years, my hormone my sensitivity, my emotions towards something especially when it comes to family, love, and life... i will burst out into tears just like that. i don't even know why, Allah made me made my heart too fragile. i can't even handle things that happened to me. i will end up crying on the couch, or crying until i fell asleep. i am weak. WEAK.